Evangelical on stock market: God will ensure we prosper under Trump

If you're worried about the plummeting stock market, don't be! Trump's "Jesus" totally has you covered.

The stock market slipped 666 (yes, 666) points on Friday, because you can’t make this shit up. Monday followed with the largest single point slip on record when the S&P 500 lost a years’ worth of gains. Trump has been claiming credit for booming stock market success so this big time failure meant it was time to bring out the defenses. First up? The Prosperity Christians who teach money is God’s blessing.

Lance Wallnau, a pointy-browed prosperity preacher and super Trumper went on Periscope Friday to help King Trump. He scrambled to provide rambling breathless cover for the stock market tumble, reminding followers that Trump is their American King Cyrus. (An Old Testament ruler blessed by God despite his Pagan ways.) Lance’s best line was amid some fast talk insisting America will be financially blessed under Trump, “because God is going to give him the treasures of darkness.” Isn’t darkness supposed to be the bad devil place?

Lance pitches his financial planning lectures, (for a price) and advises people not to panic and sell their stocks. He says the “animal spirits” of the market ran wild and God blessed us by bursting the bubble. He says the only thing to worry about is the Democrats. “I think it’s witchcraft, I think there is a mind-binding and a mind-control over journalists, leftists activists and half the Democratic Party,” who have all given themselves over to demonic spirits. He says if Democrats won the midterm then the stock market will tumble. This Prosperity Doctrine sounds totally sane.

To watch the (rather long) Periscope video, click here.

By Being Liberal contributor: Sarah Ficca